‘Bachelor in Paradise’ recap: A surprise split and yet another love triangle

‘Bachelor in Paradise’ recap: A surprise split and yet another love triangle

This show is giving me whiplash rose lovers. Last week, Michael A. was the favorite Paradisian. This week, I Clockwork orange him before a jumbotron scrolling “I will not go to a dating show” until he gets his mind out of his own snares.

Let’s recap!

Oh God, Jared & Ashley are now in the intro.

Bachelor in Paradise grab

But seriously, who’s watching their kid?

| Credit: ABC

I know that Paradise is all about recycling, but I feel like once a couple gets married they should be taken out of rotation completely. Yes, even for guest spots. Boring filler is what the “veterans” came to share their wisdom.

The action picks up a bit after we left. Rodney wanders over to the pool asking anyone if he knows where Teddi is. Jill gently breaks the news to Rodney by asking him to sit down. She explains, “Teddi she left.” “She ended her relationship with Andrew and then she went. ”

Our sweet angel baby Rodney is sad. He says, “Um, wow.” “This is insane.” It’s past midnight, and he has a date card. But he doesn’t have anyone to use it on. Brandon gives him a pep talk. He says that everyone loves him and there are many “amazing women” to choose from, including Jill (“she is pretty f—ng dope”), Victoria (“pretty good too”), Brittany (“gorgeous as heck”). He mentions Serene but jokes that Rodney and he may not want to share the same woman again. Brandon insists, “I’m telling ya, you are the hottest commodity on this sand.”

Instead of using his date card Rodney decides to stay and chat with all the ladies. Jill is positively giddy, and Rodney is clearly “open” to Rodney’s business. Rodney quickly turned the mood from being sad to cheerful. Serene says, “Your senses of humor are the only thing keeping me from crying right this moment.” Justin does a real spit-take when Rodney responds that he’s going “laugh off” the pain. Behold:

Bachelor in Paradise GIF

Say it, don’t spray it, Justin.

| Credit: ABC

Meanwhile, Lace is watching all this hilarity from the beach and strategizing how she’s going to snatch Rodney from Jill’s clutches. She says, “This handsome man lights up beach.” She joins him at the bar for a shot and starts to bat her (very long!) eyelashes at him. She purrs, “Look at me,” she says. Rodney asks what her type is, and she says she needs a man who is at least six feet tall and who likes to golf. She adds that she just wants someone who is, like, the vibe.

Rodney seems to enjoy talking to Lace, which is great news for Lace, but not so good for Jill.

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Jill speaks for us all.

| Credit: ABC

Great question! Justin is also confused when he sees Rodney and Lace smooching along the beach. He pauses. “That pairing… That… The… I don’t know what to say. “

Oh yay. We’re going to do a whole segment on Ashley and Jared’s “journey” to “reconnect” after their three-year marriage. Dude, if you wanted to see a married couple trying to regain their spark after three years of marriage, I would just stare at my husband while he watches baseball in another room. Even though Ashley and Jared are in the Boom Boom Room, it is not romantic. This is mainly because of the prehistoric-sized insects that dive bomb them from the ceiling.

Back at the bar Rodney asks Wells about Jared’s “journey” for love. Because the producers clearly said so. You know what that means, rose lovers:

Bachelor in Paradise grab

Unfortunately, this “story time” has no reenactments, just sepia-toned flashbacks to Ashley and Jared’s tumultuous time on season 2 of Bachelor in Paradise. After the tale is finished, we will return to Jared, Ashely, and the Boom Boom Room. Here, the only booms you’ll hear are Ashley’s farts from too much Mexican food. “Oh my god, what is coming out my butt?” She says this as Jared lies on his back on the bed. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This show may be trash, but it’s at least helping to normalize women talking about their GI issues.

As the night progresses, people start to wonder if Aaron, Genevieve and James will ever return from their double date. Logan and Justin are feeling particularly anxious as the women are giving out roses this week. The foursome eventually return to the beach and Genevieve grabs Justin to get the whole story. (Did we also mention that Justin’s birthday is today? Strange symmetry, since Justin was returning from his date with Victoria on Genevieve’s birthday. )

Bachelor in Paradise grab

Genevieve scolds Justin

| Credit: ABC

“I’m, like, shocked at how it went, honestly,” says Genevieve of her date with Aaron, who she now realizes is more than just a dude-bro. Aaron made her feel special and wanted, something Justin has not done.

She continues, “Affection is a big deal for me.” “This morning, we sat next to each other and we kissed once. This doesn’t make it feel desired.” Justin, annoyed, responds, “We’re counting our kisses now.” Genevieve does NOT love it. “OH MY GOD!” She yells. “Are you f—ing kidding me?” Justin’s all, Simmer down Don’t get too excited Genevieve is reminded by Justin that Paradise can involve dating multiple people. He hopes they can go back to the way they were on night one. He pouts, “But you can give my a hug on your birthday,” he says.

Bachelor in Paradise grab

Genevieve and Justin

| Credit: ABC

“I’m sorry that this is on your birthday,” says Genevieve, and when Justin asks for a birthday kiss, she obliges. Aaron and James, platonic soulmates, are watching from afar. “Like, what’s the f— going on?” Aaron moans. “It definitely shakes me trust… I feel like throwing it up a bit.” The poor guy is experiencing some PTPD (Post Traumatic Paradise Disorder) flashbacks to last season, when Tammy made out with Thomas right in front of him.

Even Genevieve is unable to believe her actions. She sighs, “I didn’t want him to kiss me because I knew it wasn’t right, but I wanted him to kiss me.” “I had such an enjoyable time with Aaron, but I wasn’t even thinking about Justin, so I’m so confused! ” Realizing she has to apologize, Genevieve goes to the men’s quarters to find Aaron. Genevieve waits outside while Aaron is in the shower. Aaron is fresh after slathering himself with a scented body wash and emerges from the shower ready to hear Genevieve. She says, “I’m so sorry.” “I didn’t expect the kiss.” Aaron is open to admitting that he feels hurt but he seems willing to accept her apology. Aaron kisses Genevieve on the head, claiming that he feels mad, mad chemistry. Let’s get some rest and have a better tomorrow. ”

Guys… do I like Aaron now? I mean, more than just a bunch of buffoonish comedy relief. It’s quite possible, I think.

Finally, it’s the next morning. Jared and Ashley give the couples’ rundown: Brandon, Serene and Sierra are “loved up”, Michael and Sierra are “very stable”, Shanae is trying to decide between Logan and James, and Genevieve seems more interested in Aaron than Justin. As she eats breakfast, Aaron begins to kiss her, while Justin fires daggers at her from another table.

Bachelor in Paradise grab

If looks could kill…

| Credit: ABC

Once he’s done hate-chewing his breakfast, Justin pulls Genevieve for a one-on-one chat. He says, “I’m still interested” “I want to let you know that I still care about your.” Justin tells Genevieve that he never kissed Victoria on their date, “out of respect.” He’s greeted this morning by the sight of her smooching Aaron right in front of him. Rude. Genevieve says she needs to feel “wanted” and special, and she suggests that Justin started paying more attention to Genevieve after another man expressed interest.

They argue a lot and then Justin states that they have “a different level” of expectations. Snaps Genevieve: “Okay, well I’m sorry, that I have high standards that you aren’t able to meet.” I repeat, RUDE! “You’re so disrespectful, Genevieve,” mutters Justin angrily. She storms off, not realizing that she picked this fight to feel better about hurting Justin by choosing Aaron. In a shocking twist, Genevieve goes to commiserate with Shanae. Her once-dead enemy. They discuss how boys are dumb and Shanae supports Genevieve’s decision not to let Justin go. She is still not sure what to do with her own love triangle and Logan has “annoyed” her for not giving her “assurances” that he is still in love with her. She says, “I don’t know if Logan understands what he wants.” James says he’s all-in [after] one day.” Cut to Shanae fighting Logan.

Bachelor in Paradise grab

Shanae scolds Logan

| Credit: ABC

Logan reminds Shanae that she still hasn’t told him how her date with James went. (Short answer: Great.) He says, “You went on the date.” “You are the one who has all the options and makes the decisions. You have things to consider and make decisions about. Shanae responds with Sure. But it’s up to you to say, “I miss you when you were gone.” And Logan responds that with, I still love you, but it seems that you’re really into James. Angered, Shanae declares they are “going around in circles” and walks away. Logan sighs, “I’m afraid that I ruined everything.”

Oh my GOD. We’re now giving Ashley and Jared a dating card? No, I won’t recap this offensive filler. Note to ABC and Team Bachelor If you can’t produce enough interesting material for four hours of Paradise every other week, then DON’T SCHEDULE OUR PARADISE EACH WEEK.

Hmm… Wondering what’s happening at Paradise Headquarters right now.

Bachelor in Paradise gif

Don’t cross Michael.

| Credit: ABC

Don’t worry, the Paradise elders aren’t planning a massacre. Michael and Casey were just watching the “young bucks” playing football and hoping that some of them get hurt and have to return home. Nothing could be more sinister than this.

It’s time, rose-lovers. It’s the most frustrating and confusing development of the season to date. It begins with Michael and Sierra laying on a daybed while Sierra expounds on how wonderful they are together. She says, “We’re definite. We don’t want any other options.” “We know what our goals are.” Michael hears her tell Michael that she is already thinking about becoming a stepmother to James. This makes her very emotional.

Michael doesn’t seem to be too worried at the moment but later at the bar, he shares some concerns with Wells. He says that things are beginning to feel serious and they’re still early. “She’s creating these scenarios where it seems like, ‘I would be such a great stepmom.’” Michael doesn’t believe Sierra would make a good stepmom, but he doesn’t believe he’s ready for that to happen. Wells encourages Michael not to close his eyes because “miracles can happen here.” (Narrator) ) We interrupt this huge disappointment for better news: It’s time to take Serene and Brandon on their first date. Brandon starts to cry when he sees her all dressed up.

Bachelor in Paradise grab

Brandon gets emotional over Serene

| Credit: ABC

Yep, these two are freaking adorable. The couple meets at a nearby hotel where they have dinner together in the middle of a swimming pool. Interesting design choice, folks! The conversation goes as expected — “You’re schmoopie!” “No, you’re schmoopie! “ — which ends with mutual expressions like “I’m falling for you.” “

Now back to our regular bummer. Sierra takes Michael to a telescope, which is aimed at a particular constellation of three stars. Sierra, his late wife Laura and their son James, have gone online to name those three stars. She says that no matter where you go in life, you can always look at these coordinates to see these stars together. “

Michael was moved and a bit overwhelmed by her thoughtful gesture. It is possible that he was concerned that Sierra might be coming on too strong. He’s out for these reasons. He says, “I feel like there’s, um, something missing with us.” “I know that you can feel me, like being guarded.” The widower continues to say that he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he loves while he’s on his way to happiness. He cries and says that he thinks the best thing is to be free from romantic pressure. “And we can just be friends. “

You’re totally getting it, buddy. You have realized that you are not far enough along in your healing to be able to start dating again. So you are going to leave Paradise. Right? Right???

NOPE.

Bachelor in Paradise grab

It’s Sierra who decides to leave. She tells her fellow contestants, “I don’t want anyone to date me. And I don’t want him to date other people.” ROSE LOVERS, THAT’S RIGHT! MICHAEL IS STAYING AT PARADISE, A PLACE WHICH ENGAGEMENT IS THE END GOAL. EVEN THOUGH HE TERRORALLY SAID HE IS NOT READY TO DATE SERIOUSLY. He was having too much fun with Sierra so he decided to stay and see if he could form another connection during the remaining two weeks of filming. MAKES THE BEST SENSE. 10/10, MICHAEL! NO NOTES

Sierra is calm and graceful in handling the situation. “Of course, I’m upset. She says she is sad. “I still want him but I have to respect his needs.” Keep going, girl! Next season, you’ll get them.

Boy! Jill is taking her Neighborhood Watch job seriously.

Bachelor in Paradise GIF

Vibe crime is on the rise.

| Credit: ABC

With Sierra gone, the remaining men who don’t know where their next rose is coming from — Casey, Justin, Jacob, Logan, and Romeo — are starting to get very antsy. Casey says, “We need a miracle in the heavens” and “many women to save our patooties.” “

Sorry buddy, but instead you’ll get another section with Ashley and Jared as they continue their quest to have sex at the Boom Boom Room. Tl; dr. Jared falls asleep before they can do anything. The end.

We’ll have to wait till tomorrow to see the next big arrival: Salley. She made it to Paradise by some miracle. Cool. Rose lovers, here are a few questions: What is Michael’s deal? Maybe he wasn’t that interested in Sierra so he used “it’s moving to fast” as an excuse. Are you sure Serene will get engaged to Brandon? And what if the producers just turned Paradise into a show where former female rivals from The Bachelorette make up and become friends?

Bachelor in Paradise grab

Genevieve and Shanae

| Credit: ABC

I’d watch the hell out of that, y’all. You can post your thoughts below.

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Bachelor in Paradise

The Bachelor goes international with a cast of former bachelors and bachelorettes looking for love… and a chance to extend their reality fame.

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